Last week I wrote about listening to our automatic responses and updating that information with the best possible perspective.
I would now like to talk about listening to feedback. You know the kind that makes you a little queasy, your hands a little sweaty and your heart race? I’m not talking about general public feedback, but from those people that are important to you in close circles whether work, family or friends.
This past week I intentionally asked someone close to me to give me feedback. The topic was pretty specific and had a lot of history so I gave this person plenty of time to think and made an agreement for a time to talk. It takes courage to hear feedback, especially if the stakes seem high! The feedback I got was just as difficult to hear as I imagined, if not worse, so I found myself going into internal autopilot reaction during and for about 12 hours after the exchange. I initially thought to myself “they have their own issues, they aren’t innocent in this, there was a part they played” and on and on. Luckily, I was noticing myself doing this and used the “STOP, LOOK, CHOOSE” method that I often teach my own clients. This is the part when you have a feeling other than positive or neutral and you take a breath, pause and consider how you really want to respond vs. react. I ended up deciding to let those thoughts go to hear genuinely the experience and support them whether or not I agreed with all of the information. This was tough, but so fruitful later on.
How many times does this happen on a smaller or larger scale in your life? It’s not as easy as just letting go of those thoughts or feelings as you are hearing it, yet if we are able to see feedback from the best positive intention, we can actually learn quite a bit about the sender and even more about ourselves. Just as you may want someone to understand you, we start that by gifting this to others, even if it takes some courage.
In my practice I often hear people tell me, “I’d like to be the best version of myself”. In my humble opinion, listening to feedback is one way on a journey to reducing the behaviors that limit you and creating more capacity for being the person you were always meant to be.
Have a wonderful week-
Let's work together, email me at: joanbeltran@guidedleadershipinsights.com